It could also take place by taking deep breaths, counting to ten (or 100), meditating on how much you love your child, etc. Instead of asking your child if it would help her to go to her feel good place, just go to your own. Going to your own positive time-out may be the best place to start during a conflict. Of course it is a good idea for you to have your own positive time-out area so you can model this self-regulation skill. During a conflict you might say, “Would it help you to go to your ‘feel good place?” If your child says, “No,” ask, “Would you like me to go with you?” (Often this is encouraging to a child and helps increase a connection, as well as calming down.) If your child still says, “No,” (or is having such a temper tantrum, she can’t even hear you,) say, “Okay, I’m going to my time-out place.” What a great model for your children. Then allow your child to "choose" to go to his positive time-out instead of being sent. A child (or students in a classroom) design a "positive time-out area" filled with pleasant things to help them calm down until they can access their rational brains and "Do Better."Īfter they have designed their "positive time-out area," they can give it another name such as "my space," or my "my cool off spot." Giving positive time-out another name helps eliminate the negative feelings of punitive time-out." When children are sent to punitive time-out, they are likely to be thinking, "I won't get caught next time." "I'll get even." Or, worst of all, "I'm bad." This is why the NAEYC (National Association for the Education of Young Children) is very much against punitive time-out. These decisions help create a child's personality (even though many are made at a subconscious level). or not), and then decisions about what they will do in the future. It doesn’t work for children any more than it would work for adults.Ĭhildren are always making decisions about themselves (am I good or bad, capable or not capable, etc.), decisions about others, (are they supportive, friendly, etc. Where did we ever get the crazy idea that we have to make children feel bad before they will do better? This crazy idea is the basis for punitive time-out. I’m feeling so encouraged and empowered and can hardly wait to do better.” Not likely. Is there any chance that you would say, “Oh, thank you so much. You are grounded for a week.” In either of these scenario’s what would you be thinking, feeling, and deciding. And don’t come out until I say you can.” Or, if you are married, imagine your spouse coming to you and saying, “I don’t like your behavior. If your toddler acts up in restaurants, choose places that offer quick service.Imagine you are an employee who has made a mistake, and your boss comes to you and says, “You go to time-out and think about what you have done. If your child begs for toys or treats when you shop, steer clear of areas with these temptations. Don't give your child toys that are far too advanced for him or her. Avoid situations likely to trigger tantrums.Give your child a hug or tell your child how proud you are when he or she shares or follows directions. Offer extra attention when your child behaves well. "Would you like to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt?" "Would you like to eat strawberries or bananas?" "Would you like to read a book or build a tower with your blocks?" To give your toddler a sense of control, let him or her make choices. Let your child make appropriate choices.If you're expecting to wait in line, pack a small toy or snack to occupy your child. Run errands when your child isn't likely to be hungry or tired. A child's temper can become short if he or she doesn't have enough rest or quiet time. Stick to the routine as much as possible, including nap time and bedtime. Establish a daily routine so that your child knows what to expect. There might be no foolproof way to prevent tantrums, but there's plenty you can do to encourage good behavior in even the youngest children.
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